I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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