allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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