i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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