Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize