Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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