I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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