At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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