Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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