I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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