Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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