Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize