help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize