it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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