I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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