last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize