Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize