Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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In other news, I just burned my penis
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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