I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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