What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize