I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize