wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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