Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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