Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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