it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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