I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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