Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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