i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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