I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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