Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize