omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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