just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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