I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize