Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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