just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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