Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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