do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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