We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize