Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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