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he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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