you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize