He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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