I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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