I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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