She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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