I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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