i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize