best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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