I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize