Your face is a jimmy john
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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