Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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